50 of the
Worst Business Names
February 26, 2013 by heather Leave a Comment
The name of a business
can be one of the most important factors in how successful it is. A potential
customer’s only interaction with a store may be seeing its sign as they drive
by during their day or reading its name in a list of local businesses. A name
has to be unique, give a good sense of the business, and sound good on the
tongue. Unfortunately, many businesses – even some large chains and
corporations – simply do not stop to think about what exactly their name is
projecting to the world. Here is a collection of 50 of the worst of these
terrible business names from across the world.
1. Doggy Style Pet
Shop
Sometimes, the loveliest work is done with those on all fours.
2. Megaflicks
Even a properly sound name can induce snickers when the wrong font is used.
3. Kids Exchange
A bit of poor formatting turns the store from a shop for children to a stop for
those who think their son plays with too many dolls.
4. Flooz.com
It is not a large leap to think that this picture is calling Miss Goldberg a
strumpet.
5. The Golden Shower Restaurant
We do not recommend that you try the lemonade or butter dip.
6. Fifth Third Bank
This bank’s name is a quick rearrangement away from being an allusion to racism
and inequality on top of being incredibly boring.
7. Analtech
Despite the name, you will not be able to buy any complicated sex toys designed
for rectal insertion.
8. Big Dick Warehousing and Storage
If you are going to
store your things, then you might as well do so with Little Richard’s older
brother.
9. Mammoth Erection
Their number is the one you call when you cannot manage to get it up on your
own.
10. Badcock Home and Furniture
Badcock goes firmly high up on the list of unfortunate last names to have when
starting a business.
11. Bunghole Liquors
Drinking liquor through your bunghole may in fact cause serious health issues
or even death.
12. AssCompact
The only explanation we can come up with for this risk management company’s
name is “Crazy Germans.”
13. PEDO Diapers
Supposedly, PEDO is an
acronym, but we were unable to find what exactly it stands for when browsing
the company site.
14. Siemens
One of the largest companies on the list, Siemens makes huge deposits into its
bank regularly.
15. Herpes Pizza
When someone gives you the gift of pizza, be sure to share that gift with your
friends.
16. Hooker Furniture
The tag line should read “We don’t sell just beds!” Hookers need couches and
desks as well.
17. Hooker’s Funeral Home
If this funeral home was located in Washington D.C., it might be a favorite
stop for some shady politicians looking to cover their tracks.
18. Butt Drilling
They will dig hard, dig deep, and they will not rest until the hole is wide
enough to allow a steady stream of liquid through it.
19. Cumbria Storage
This name actually seems quite alright until you are directed to their website
at cumstore.co.uk.
20. Therapist Finder
With the ambiguous
capitalization seen in website names, this business may get traffic for those
looking for nonconsensual relationships.
21. Killer for Hire
This company actually lives up to its name and is responsible for millions of
deaths a year. Those deaths just happen to be mostly insects.
22. Hindenburger
This flame broiled burger shop would venture into epic territory if they had a
zeppelin delivery service.
23. Thai Me Up
Chopsticks are hard
enough to use when you have full motion of your limbs.
24. Couche-Tard
The name means “sleep late” in French, but it sounds like they are marketing to
sedentary folk who have had their minds rotted by television.
25. Eat Here and Get Gas
It may not be the first convenience store to sell food and gas, but it is one
of the loudest claimants of the fact.
26. Fuk Mi Sushi and Seafood
The owner is likely
wondering why their wait staff is consistently being groped.
27. S.T.D. Contractors
This would be the
perfect name for a professional vaccination test subject company.
28. Fast Taco
Another victim of poor sign design, Fast Taco may be trying to subliminally add
some truth to advertising.
29. P.C.P Dining
Their food is so good, you might rip off your skin and
bite your neighbor just for some leftovers.
30. Pu Pu Hot Pot
Stop by for a steaming bowl of deliciousness.
31. S&M Family Outlet
Sometimes that bratty little child just needs a good spanking and a ball gag.
32. Hugh Jass Burgers
This is undoubtedly the most clever and subtle double entendre yet. As long as
the burgers live up to the name, it could be a successful chain outside of the
Bible Belt.
33. Jack the Stripper
The point of a business name is not to imply that you will be finding your
customers in a dark alley to deliver your goods, in a manner of speaking.
34. Who Represents?
Talent Management Finder
When looking at the website, http://www.whorepresents.com/, you might think the
company caters to bachelor parties.
35. Phat Phuc Noodle
Bar
The website for Phat Phuc says that the name translated to “Happy Buddha” in
Vietnamese. We are not sure if they are just pulling our legs.
36. Wok and Roll
They serve the kind of food that just soothes the soul.
37. Cabbages and Condoms Thai Restaurant
There really just are not any words for this one. Perhaps cabbage is seen as an
aphrodisiac in Vietnamese culture.
38. Know Knew Books
The attempt to be clever fails thanks to its incoherence and the negative
advertising.
39. Fu King Restaurant
Some of the interesting Asian names toy the line between clever plays on
wording and terrible puns, but this one merely seems a childish attempt to be
lewd on a billboard.
40. The Dress Barn
A clothing store that caters to plus-sized women is a
great idea, but almost calling your clientele livestock is not going to get
them rushing in the door.
41. Gross Convenience Store
People are scared enough of convenience store food as it is, even if those corn
dogs sitting under the heat lamp since yesterday are tasty.
42. Amedisys
The name gives almost no clue as to what the business actually does. If it was
an obscure megacorporation it would be alright, but the name is just
forgettable for a health services company.
43. Dairy Air
They will get to the bottom of all your heating and cooling woes.
44. Well Hung Curtains
Size does matter when giving your windows proper shading.
45. T’s Me
The name would work if t-shirts were considered sexy when worn by anyone except
Jessica Alba.
46. The Stalk Market
Wall Street would be a more colorful place if this store was on it.
47. Copy Cat Reproductions
It might be impossible to say the name without feeling like you are discussing
the copier version of a child’s lemonade stand.
48. A Pane in the Glass
The double pun name is
so agonizing it might cause the real pain they were referring to with it.
49. Pentaho Networks
The network configuration of groups of five prostitutes is very intriguing
work.
50. Beaver Cleaners
Your wife or
girlfriend would never forgive you for hiring them once the van rolled in front
of the house.
October 19, 2010 | 4 Comments » | Topics: compilation
April 25, 2013 | 1 Comment » | Topics: LOL
The 21 Worst
Business Names Ever
Posted: 3 years ago by Smosh
Naming
your business something clever can be difficult. For these people, it proved
impossible...
Which
is your favorite business name?
The 15 Worst Business Names
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We can't
imagine what was going through the heads of the people who named these
businesses.
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